“2020 was 23 years ago… let that sink in.”
Hey, look at that — you survived another year on this broke-ass planet! And, while you were working and sleeping and oh-so-kindly taking ten minutes out of each week to read these Substack posts of mine, there were also a ton of movies coming out! 2023, like every year, contained many important developments in the film industry, as well as the release of countless new exciting, innovative films. Yes, you heard me right: this was a good year for movies! There’s been some nasty rumors floating around that this was a weak year for movies, and I’m here to tell you right now that that’s a load of horseshit. With the exception of some weird years like 2020, EVERY YEAR IS A GOOD YEAR FOR MOVIES. Do not buy into this “back in my day” bullshit that some people like to spread because they personally didn’t connect with quite as many movies as they did the previous year. If you hear someone saying that no good original movies come out anymore, please beat them to death with a hammer!
Ranting aside, I think it’s time we take a break from flipping through the minutia of weekly news to reflect back on the biggest stories and running themes of this year. If you couldn’t tell from me encouraging you guys to murder innocent people in the previous paragraph, I don’t usually partake in hyperbole… so I mean it when I say that this was one of the most disastrous and earth-shakingly pivotal years for the film industry in a while. Let’s take a trip down Memory Lane, shall we?
Barbenheimer. Here’s the cultural nexus point that was, without question, the most significant moviegoing event this side of the pandemic. Sure, there have been other post-COVID movies that have passed a billion, but never before have we seen the release of two competing blockbusters actually lift each other up instead of eating each other’s profits — much less solely off genuine, organic hype. I never thought Mistress America herself Greta Gerwig would direct the highest-grossing movie of 2023, nor did I think a three-hour dialogue-heavy biopic about a nuclear physicist would creep towards a near-billion-dollar gross, but here we are. I like to be cynical and sarcastic in these recaps, but I must admit that the thunderous success of the Barbenheimer double feature sincerely reinvigorated my hope for the future of moviegoing. Sure, both of these movies are based on existing material, but the hype behind Barbie and Oppenheimer was mainly driven by the auteurs behind them, as well as a general excitement to dress up with friends and head out to the movies. See, studio executives? Young people actually do still care about the movies! You just need to give them better reasons to go! Nothing could have made this point more self-evident than Barbenheimer, and for that, I am truly thankful.
The WGA and SAG-AFTRA Strikes. Alright, that about does it for the fun parts of this year! Due to low pay and fears surrounding job security, both the WGA and SAG-AFTRA went on strike in 2023. Like, several months longer than they should have. Thanks to repeated arrogance on behalf of the AMPTP, who seemed to underestimate how unified the unions were, negotiations were repeatedly stalled and pushed back. Much like my own life, the strikes started in the month of May and yielded more exhaustion and tension the longer they crept. The end results of the strikes were mixed-to-positive — writers secured the majority of the benefits they had hoped for, while there is still debate amongst actors whether SAG-AFTRA’s final deal was sufficient or not enough — but, if nothing else, these strikes succeeded in highlighting the cartoonish greed and malice of Hollywood executives when it comes to shedding a fraction of their profits for justifiable compensation of the little guys. There were so many classic “thanks, I hate it” moments I got to cover this year, from trees alongside popular picketing streets being cut down to rob guild members of shade, to several actors getting torched for voicing dumbass “scab” sentiments, to Bob Iger suggesting that the strikes would continue until union members lost their houses and gave in. Truly ghoulish people, through and through. Here’s to hoping these strikes have paved the way for further benefits for the people who create the backbone of this industry, and that things like corporate greed and AI don’t further endanger their livelihoods.
Corporate Dumbassery. Speaking of corporate greed leading to bad things happening… let’s talk about Warner Bros. and Disney! As the year comes to a close, most entertainment industry analysts are concluding that Netflix has come out on top in the streaming war, ultimately keeping its hold on its subscriber base and leaving its competitors in the dust. Two of those competitors are owned by Warner Bros. Discovery and Disney, and it’s been one hell of a ride covering the series of catastrophes these two megastudios have undergone in the past twelve months. Under the wonderfully ass-tastic leadership of David Zaslav, Warner Bros. made a series of forehead slap-worthy Ls: amongst them, permanently cancelling the release of several finished movies for tax write-offs and renaming their service HBO Max to the much dumber “Max” for “reasons”. If it wasn’t for Barbie, Warner Bros. would’ve been in real deep shit this year financially. But you know who didn’t have a lightning-in-a-bottle billion-dollar hit to come in clutch for them? That’s right: Disney! With waning superhero hype and their streaming-heavy model undermining the pull of their major-IP theatrical releases, Disney oversaw one of the worst (if not the single worst) financial years in the history of their company. But hey, what’s up with all these big movies losing so much money? Let’s zoom out a bit and observe…
Unprecedented Box Office Bombs. Yeah, Barbenheimer wasn’t just unusual for being as big as it was — it was also unusual for happening in the middle of one of the most disastrous years for blockbuster profits ever. It’s no secret that superhero movies have become the big trend in Hollywood over the past decade, and it seems that we’ve finally witnessed the burst in the capeshit bubble. (There’s a fun visual for you.) With the exception of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, pretty much every single superhero movie released this year ate shit at the box office: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, The Flash, Shazam: Fury of the Gods, Blue Beetle, The Marvels, and Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom all lost money for their respective studios. But it wasn’t just caped crusaders who failed to bring in the big bucks — there were also major money losers such as Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One, The Creator, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Fast X, and Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, among several others. Usually, there’s only a handful of box office bombs that people remember from each year, but in 2023, there were enough bombs to fill the hands of a sleeper terrorist cell. Why did this happen? There’s quite a few factors at play, the biggest ones being oversaturation, ballooning budgets with unrealistic expectations attached, hype-killing streaming models, and lack of generated interest. (There’s also the factor of inflation in the US, as going to the movies is pretty expensive these days.) In short, if 2019 was the height of the billion-dollar IP-based blockbuster, 2023 was the year that the billion-dollar IP-based blockbuster got its legs sawed off at the knees and its face blown in with a pistol. It seems we’re entering the twilight of the sequel-reboot-remake-comic book movie era, or at least whatever type of those movies we’ve had for the past 10-15 years. But what will take their place?
Video Game Movie Domination. Yeah… hate to be that guy, but there’s a good chance that the gamers might be next up. It is worth noting that two major IP-based movies from this year that didn’t flop were The Super Mario Bros. Movie and Five Nights at Freddy’s, both based on popular video games. Many have speculated that video game movies might become the new superhero movie, and while I initially regarded this prediction as foolish, I’m starting to get nervous. We’re already expecting a Minecraft movie starring *spins wheel* Jason Momoa in 2025, and Zack Snyder has recently stated his desire to make a Fortnite movie (fucking lol). Could 2023 be the precursor to a new terrifying era of movies that only make sense to people who know extensive video game lore? I’ll be fucked, because the only video game I’ve ever played is Mario Kart for the Nintendo Wii at my neighbor’s house. (Shoutout Julia.) I can’t live like that, being left out of cultural conversations because of the particular path my childhood took! Lord knows I’ve already suffered enough! PLEASE, TAKE ME BACK TO CAPESHIT! I’LL BE A GOOD BOY! I’LL BE A GOOD BOY, I PROMISE!
Well, I think that’s a pretty normal way for me to end this year’s final post! Thanks to all of you who have been reading these weekly recaps, and welcome if this is your first one! Whether you’re watching a movie with friends this New Year’s Eve, or going bar-hopping, or watching the ball drop on NBC like a square, please be safe and have a good time. Let’s hope 2024 brings slightly less disastrous, industry-shaking developments and more fun, vibey news! Sure, these posts will be less fun to read if that happens, but hey — I’m entering this business soon, and I’d like to have some kind of job security for once. Happy New Year, everyone! No drunk driving, unless you’re really good at it!
Amazing recap of 2023, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I don't condone violence of any kind! And 2023 -23 = 2000, not 2023!